The Official Blog of Coyote Hill
And He took them in His arms and blessed them... Mark 10:16
And He took them in His arms and blessed them... Mark 10:16
A young woman who once lived in Cathy’s Home, with former Home Parents Bill and Tammy Atherton, shares a struggle that she, and many of our children, dealt with when arriving at Coyote Hill. Yet there is hope! Today with her own children, she is using some of the lessons she learned during her brief time here:
I used to hate anything and everything about myself. I now know that what happened to me was not my fault and I should not feel hate for myself because of what others did to me. But I had not yet learned that when I came to Coyote Hill, and so I pushed everyone away in fear when they tried to get close to me. I feared losing them. I feared growing to care for them, only to have them reject me. It seemed easier to just push people away than to grow to love and accept them, risking the hurt and rejection that I feared would come later. The people at Coyote Hill tried to help me heal, and I’m thankful for that. I was damaged, and I regret that at the time I couldn’t distinguish good motives from bad.
Tammy was the mother I always longed for and needed. I just didn’t know how to fully accept her or Bill. They always treated me and the other kids in the home the same way they treated their own biological children. Yet I had this deep down, nagging feeling that if my own family didn’t want me, how could anyone else?
Bill was a good father to all of us. He always sent a flower to school for each of us on Valentines Day. That was very special. In the morning, when it was time for all of us to wake up, he would start playing this soothing music. It was so annoying to us because we hated it, and thus it was a good wake up call. Bill was always smart with that reverse psychology stuff! It’s funny, but now I like that kind of music, and it’s also how I wake up my own kids in the morning! I also always make sure I send a flower to school for my children on Valentines Day. So I’m passing on some of those big and little things I learned at Coyote Hill.
Because of your support, the ministry of Coyote Hill and Bill and Tammy has changed this woman’s life, and is now impacting the lives of her children. An eternally significant impact that will last for generations to come. THANK YOU!
Our Founder, Larry McDaniel, asks a thought-provoking question…
While I worked on the property recently, a beautiful eight-year-old bounced down the lane from the Hubbell Home to the office. She and a sibling have been here at Coyote Hill for almost a year…and probably will be for a long time. She had a spring in her step and a big smile on her face, and it brought joy to my heart to see her and know that we provide her with a safe place to be a child.
I can’t imagine why her parents and other family failed her. I can’t help asking myself, “Why isn’t she mad?”
She should be mad about what has happened to her. I am mad about it…. but she isn’t. She just gets back up each day and puts a smile on her face and gives all the love in her heart to those at Coyote Hill who care for her.
For me, that day suddenly became more worth living after seeing her smiling and happy, knowing she lives in a home where she is loved. I am told she sleeps with a picture of her Coyote Hill Home Parents every night, and delights in calling them mommy and daddy.
My heart is broken over the pain she and her sibling have endured, but they will overcome. We can’t go back in time and give them a new beginning, but we can work together now to change their ending …. developing a life that is full and complete. If God has ever brought me to anything, He has brought me to this work. We can do this…we must do this.
And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for BEHOLD, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. ~Luke 2:10
I’ll never forget a Christmas morning several years ago, as our three toddler and preschool age girls sat on the couch, blurry-eyed and barely awake. Then we handed them their stockings. Suddenly wide-eyed and excited, the oldest two quickly dumped the contents and began to “ooo and awe” over the candy and little items they found. The youngest, however, didn’t dump. She slowly reached in, grasped whatever her tiny hand found, and pulled it out. She gasped with excitement and handled it lovingly.
Basking. Reveling. Beholding. Whatever you want to call it; it’s what she was doing. One item at a time. When she was only half-way through…her siblings had long since finished glancing over all of their stocking contents. They sat back and watched little sister pull out her items, one at a time. It wasn’t long before they grew impatient…they were ready to move on to bigger things – opening their presents.
“Come on – hurry up!” they encouraged.
Finally, as she pulled out and examined the last item, the older ones thought, “Great – that’s finally over!”
They were mistaken.
She picked up each item again with fascination, to return it to her stocking…one at a time. She wanted the joy of pulling them out of her stocking again…one at a time. Now that was going too far – the two sisters couldn’t handle it. Their frustration and anger grew. “Stop it – that’s enough,” they complained. “We wanna open our presents!!!”
An obvious lesson learned that Christmas morning? The joy of Christmas can’t be rushed. Watching, beholding…standing in awe. Isn’t that what happened long ago, as lowly shepherds as well as affluent wise men gazed in awe and amazement at this tiny child, come to save His people?
What if they had been in a hurry? What if the wise men insisted on leaving immediately? After all, they had a long journey back home. What if the shepherds merely wanted to get that visit over with so they could get back to their flocks – sheep needed cared for, didn’t they? We all have excuses – good ones – for rushing through Christmas. However, if the wise men and shepherds had rushed they may never have “…went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen…” Luke 2:20
Jesus was our simplest, yet most profound Christmas gift of all time. No matter how busy you might be this Christmas, try to make time, especially for the sake of your children, to “behold” and glory in His simple, life-changing gift.
One of our Home Parent Moms, Merri Heberlein, wrote the following as the heart-wrenching day approached for her to once again say good-bye to a child in her home:
I am a foster mom. I fight for re-unification, healing, and restoration. I help my children find forever families. I teach them to walk forward, seeking the light of a future unseen.
I love what I do and am blessed, but I go through many days that are hard. I cry over my children, I pray for them and with them, I listen to their stories, I enjoy their laughter, and I hold them dear. I call them my own, I invite them into a special place in my heart…and then I let them go.
Some don’t understand how I can do this. Some days I struggle myself, knowing that I will eventually have to watch them go; handing them over to different parents and families. I want to hold onto them forever, but they are a gift, a blessing that are not mine to keep. I know I am called to do this. Even though I don’t want to see my children go, I know that’s what God has called me to do. It is not easy watching them go – not knowing what is to become of them. Not knowing can be so painful at times.
Last night I prayed that God would give me comfort. I know I am doing His work, but sometimes I just don’t want to say good-bye. There is no way around it…when they move on it is hard! So I, like a little girl in her daddy’s arms, said, “Please help me walk this path. Please let it be ok to let them go on the path that You have designed for them.”
With that, I rested. This morning when I woke up, this is what was on my heart:
I am an instrument.
I love to play and sing music to God, and I know He enjoys my songs. I can not feel more at peace than when I am in His presence, worshipping. Being an instrument for Him will not always be easy. He is the Conductor. I am simply a part of His beautiful choir. Many times I want to sing and play the melody, finding it difficult to to be a harmonizing note. Most sopranos know this can be a struggle…to play a supportive role in a chord, rather than the beautiful highlight. But I am being called to find the heart of the chord, holding others above me, letting their melody soar among the rafters.
That nudging, that still small voice, went on to say, “You are doing a wonderful job. I know it is difficult for you, since I have not allowed you to see the sheet music. I know you struggle for harmony, since I do not always allow you to hear the notes around you. I know you think you are not strong enough to sustain a harmonizing note, but you are strong enough through Me. I know that you want to be able to hear their song, but you are not ready to hear it. You have a part to play in this song we are singing together. It is unclear, but I am calling you to sing it, and your part is beautiful. Do not be afraid. Respect my plan, and Trust Me.”
The thought of letting them move on and leave had never felt more beautiful and peaceful than it did this morning. It was humbling and graceful. As my children continue to move on, I hope to have played my part. Both their song and my song are changed forever! We are bonded in love, even if this is where a line of the song ends.
May you be blessed with the assurance that He finds your song beautiful.
“I love kids, but they are a tough audience.” ~Robin Williams
Regardless of your feelings about Robin Williams’ passing, that particular quote proved to be true this past Saturday at The Hill.
The MU College of Veterinary Medicine’s Raptor Rehabilitation Project sent a group of three volunteers and four raptors to do an educational presentation for our kids and staff. Over 60 people gathered for the event – the majority of them under the age of 12.
That created some challenges for the presenters. The normal stuff, like trying to keep everyone quiet and still, was even more imperative around these wild animals who are not accustomed to lots of human noise and activity.
Additional challenges with an audience of children turned out to be rather comical. Oh, the questions children can ask! It began even before the first bird was out of its box. Woodrow, one of the volunteers, was explaining to the kids how they get their birds.
“When someone finds an injured raptor, it comes to us so we can help it recover,” he began.
“Do they die?” one youngster interjected.
“Well, we do our best to help them – but yes, some of them do die.”
“What happens when they die?” was the next impromptu question.
“So what do you do with them when they’re dead?”
“We have to call another organization that comes to take them somewhere else,” was the quick and non-specific answer, that didn’t quite satisfy the curious audience.
“We just buried our cat when it died – why don’t you do that?”
“Unfortunately it requires a lot more paperwork than that!” Woodrow laughed, and then quickly tried to change the topic. “So, the birds that heal and survive are all released back into the wild if they recover completely. But sometimes, they don’t heal completely and can’t return to the wild. For instance, most of the birds we’ve brought today cannot fly.”
“Oh – so they are PENGUINS???!” one excited young lady exclaimed.
Yup…kind of a tough audience. But oh, so fun.
The following conversation happened many years ago between a sweet lady at church and one of our Home Parent Moms.
Lady: “Ma’am, your boy’s shoes are on the wrong feet.”
Mom: “Yes I know, but he tied them himself for the first time today.” Read the rest of this entry »
Our Executive Director, Larry McDaniel, shares words of warning and encouragement for parents concerning Valentine’s Day:
As a young boy in grade school, I remember the Valentine’s Day event in which we were all expected to participate, each bringing Valentine cards for other students in the class. I’m sure it seemed like a good idea to the teachers in charge, but for some in the class it was a day of tension, broken hearts, embarrassment, humiliation, and shame. There were the popular kids in the class who exchanged their little Valentine cards amongst each other with great merriment and cheer. There were the kids in the “middle class” as it were, who could expect to be treated civilly, both because of the day being celebrated and the fact that they were not in the “lower class.” The kids in the lower class, however, would just be glad when the party was over, so they could once again go back to living out their lives in whatever corner they usually called home away from home.
Here’s how it worked. If you were one of the more popular kids, or best dressed, or cleanest, or well mannered, or with good grades, everyone would be quite happy to receive a card from you. In fact, the moderately popular kids considered it somewhat of an honor to actually get noticed, even if it was somewhat required. But the kids in the lower class group would never expect such a gift from someone at the top, and would probably consider it some kind of cruel joke if it actually happened. Those kids in the lower class group likely never considered giving a card to those at the top. It’s an unspoken rule. You just didn’t do it. The risk was too high and the potential laughter and mocking would be too painful.
Parents, take back Valentine’s Day for your children, including your older children. Don’t let fate dictate what happens to their heart on that day. Don’t let others decide their value as a person. Find ways to communicate to your children how important they are to you, and that they capture your heart completely. For ideas of ways to do this, do an Internet search of the phrase, “Valentine’s day with your kids.” Sort through all the ideas you find and choose one that is a good match for you and your children. Make sure your children have a memory of Valentine’s Day that is treasured and brings a smile to their face for the rest of their lives. You can do it. You absolutely can do it, and will be forever thankful that you did. ~~Larry McDaniel
Our Executive Director, Larry McDaniel, shares some thoughts and insights following a recent run away situation at Coyote Hill:
It was moving from late afternoon to early evening, and the setting sun was quickly leaving darkness in the woods and only moonlight in the fields. The temperature was moderate. Certainly not dangerous, but a little colder than comfortable. The teenage girl we were looking for had had a rough day … mostly of her own making, but still, a rough day. Finally, instead of letting us help her work through the issues, process things, talk about them, or even completely ignore the realities of the situation – sometimes kids (and adults) say they don’t want to discuss things, but they won’t let them be ignored either, so – she decided to just run away. This doesn’t happen very often, but when it does we have a protocol we follow for the safety of the child. Part of that protocol is that if we don’t find the child within minutes, law enforcement is notified to help with the search. Sometimes kids will “run away” to the back yard, or behind the basketball court. Sometimes, as a young child, I would “run away” to the barn.
On this particular evening, however, the minutes had passed, the phone calls to law enforcement had already been made, and we were making one more sweep through the woods just to be sure. She would have heard us approaching on the ATV we were using to search the area, but she remained seated at a corner in the road, and was easily spotted by us as we approached. I asked if I could walk her home (we were actually less than 200 yards from the house) and she agreed to join me, while the others returned with the ATV. On the way back home, we talked about all that had happened, the things going on in her life, and what possible options there might be at this point. But the parts of the conversation I remember the most had to do with her experience with running away. What was going through her mind? What was she hoping to accomplish? What was her ultimate goal? The answer to these questions can vary by the person and circumstance, of course, but for this particular teenage girl, the answers reminded me of how we, as adults, behave sometimes as well. Following are at least three ways I have found that to be true.
Remember, in your relationships in life, if a family member, friend or loved one “runs away,” but doesn’t run far, they really want you to look for them. They won’t hide for long. They really want to be found. You’ll find them just a little ways from the house, sitting by the edge of the road, and down deep inside they are very happy to see you. ~~Larry McDaniel
“Rock, paper, scissors is always the best way to make decisions.”
Kelsey Bolte, an MU service learning student that volunteered with our Equine Program this semester, shares about her experience while volunteering at Coyote Hill, as well as 15 enlightening things she learned from the kids and from the experience…
My service learning project was working as an Equine Program Assistant. I completed most of my hours at the arena, but also spent a few days working with children in their homes doing things like tutoring or simply enjoying dinner with the family.
As a program assistant, I primarily taught children horse handling and riding skills. The children are expected to handle, groom, and tack up their horses by themselves, but I was always there to lend a helping hand if a child was struggling. The children all have different levels of experience and skill, but it was my job to help make sure each individual was always set up for success. My main goal was to help them build confidence in themselves, and take pride in the things they accomplished while working with these wonderful animals.
Animal therapy (specifically equine) is one of the topics we spent a significant amount of time on my college class. It has been proven in many studies and real-world applications that horses possess a gift that can affect people of all ages in very special ways. Equine therapy has a wide variety of benefits. The children at Coyote Hill have emotional needs that range far beyond yours and mine. The horses at Coyote Hill provide these kids with a friendly face that is always welcoming and willing to make them happy. The children absolutely adore the horses, and often do not want to leave the barn. They hug and kiss their horses, and often times we hear them saying “thank you” to their horses for providing them with a fun ride that day. This type of behavior is always very rewarding for me to see. The children are not only building confidence, but also building a relationship with an animal based on companionship, love, and trust.
There is nothing negative I can possibly say about Coyote Hill. All of the staff and children are ready to welcome any who walk through their doors, and they will make you feel more appreciated than you have ever felt in your life. I learned so much during my time at Coyote Hill…